I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
