u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
do herpes really smell.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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