dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
