literally had 100 drinks last night.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
