puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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