So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Your penis caused this!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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