i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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