you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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