sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
