Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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