Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
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apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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