If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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