Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
