Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
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And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
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Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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