The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
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Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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