Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
