i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
