how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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