Already got asked if we're dating
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
