My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Found your dick twin last night
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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