Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
