trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
