hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
