I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
