Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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