a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
