youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
