You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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