I think I am morally bankrupt
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?