He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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