I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.