I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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