she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
