Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
