hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
