Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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