morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?