No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
