he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
