we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
