Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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