From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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