Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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