Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
