i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
