I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
