He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
