wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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