I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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