Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's blow job season.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
its liver damage thursday
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
