I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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