Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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