I accidentally burped into my bong.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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