We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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