you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
