you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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