And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
