If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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