My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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