Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
please come you make the beer taste better
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
