New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
