Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hippo gnu deer
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
