My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
