Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
