Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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