hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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