Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
