one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
