I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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