my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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