i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
