how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
