I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
