He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
