You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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