what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You can't motorboat a personality
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
