I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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