hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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